


Back to the Start Again

by dvs



Series: Moments Inbetween [2]
Category: Emmerdale
Genre: M/M, Missing Scene, Pillow Talk, Reunions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-03
Updated: 2019-03-03
Packaged: 2019-11-08 09:57:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17979179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dvs/pseuds/dvs
Summary: Aaron and Robert go back to The Mill and navigate being together again, whilst Aaron reflects on their past and their future.





	Back to the Start Again

_This_ is where it all begins. This right here, as they make their way home together. Sure, it’s not Aaron and Robert’s first beginning, in fact, they’ve become a dab hand at beginnings, but this one is special. This one...it’s different. _They’re_ different. Robert lets go of Aaron's hand in favour of pulling him close, and he’s beaming brighter than the moon. Aaron wishes he could have a keepsake of this moment, like a coin, or a watch, something to touch and remember. It’s sentimental, but he can’t help it. It’s the happiest he’s been since...well, a while.

It’s all a bit dreamlike as they wind their way to The Mill, probably because Aaron has had this particular dream a few times. The night he and Robert split, somewhere in his broken sleep Aaron had dreamed that he and Robert were together again, all wounds healed, all their troubles behind them, only for Aaron to wake feeling inconsolable at the realisation that his and Robert’s relationship had come to its ultimate conclusion. So there is every chance this moment is a dream. There’s every chance that the moment they step into The Mill Robert will disappear back into reality.

Aaron takes a shuddering breath, nestling against Robert’s side and Robert slides his hand to Aaron’s shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze before leaving it there. That touch not only settles Aaron to the core of his being, it simultaneously ignites a trail of want. It throws open a book of memories in Aaron’s mind of all those times Robert has touched him exactly right, as if Aaron himself is an undecipherable book that only Robert can read. It never has taken much to get Aaron going where Robert is concerned.

Alex, that poor bastard, he had no chance, did he?

And wasn’t that a laugh? Because on paper he was perfect. Fit, smart and a good bloke to top it all. All the space Aaron had needed, Alex had given him, and when Aaron was ready for more, Alex had given him that too. He wasn’t pushy, greedy or cocky. He was _nothing_ like Robert, who even when he was doing the best job possible of trying to be a decent bloke usually still ended up being a prat in some other way. But Aaron had missed Robert all the same. Alex's perfection had made Aaron miss Robert even more. He knew he should have brought it up with his counselor, but the idea that someone might reason away how he felt about Robert...he couldn't do it. _What is wrong with me?_ The question crossed his mind over and over. He thought it when Alex would leave The Mill and Aaron would breathe a sigh of relief. He thought it as he lay in bed, Alex sleeping peacefully next to him. Aaron had scowled at him, at the way Alex lay there occupying a space in one half of the bed. Not like Robert who would sprawl and kick, or end up with half his limbs slung over Aaron. _How can I still want him?_ But he’d told Robert he’d always love him, not realising that every corner of his heart had been taken up with Robert, leaving not even a little space for someone else. Alex hadn’t even come close. They could have had months, years, and love still would never have reared its vicious little head.

They stop in front of The Mill, Robert looking at the place like he’s never been here before, like he wasn’t here the other night cooking pasta and playing nice. Aaron smiles at him. “What?”

Robert shakes his head, letting out a laugh laced with just the slightest tremor of fear. “Waiting to wake up and realise this is all a dream.”

Aaron takes Robert’s hand in his. “Well it’s not. You’ll see when you wake up tomorrow morning, in our bed.”

Robert nods at Aaron, his eyes bright with whatever it is he’s not going to say just yet, or ever, not that it matters to Aaron. He knows, and he goes willingly as Robert pulls him close to kiss him, his hand tender on the side of Aaron’s face.

“Well?” Aaron asks him with a grin. “You coming in or am I carrying you over the threshold?”

Robert grins back, easy and cheesy, far too amused. “Can if you like. Unless you want me to carry you.”

“Shut up,” Aaron says with a laugh, curling away from Robert’s fingers when he pretends to go for Aaron. “Get off.”

Robert doesn’t get off, he just pulls Aaron in for another kiss, something sweet and gentle, and they stare at each other for the umpteenth time, Robert’s look of disbelief mirroring what’s in Aaron’s heart. When they finally step inside, it feels momentous - in a good way. Maybe this is how it should have felt that first day they moved in, Aaron’s heart brimming with relief and hope. That day he’d felt good, still warmed by holiday sun, but there had been something in the air, something that had curled into his gut and made him worry, made anxious thoughts invade his peace: _what if this all goes wrong? What if I mess it up?_

He thought he had messed it up. That he’d driven Robert right into Rebecca’s arms, and no amount of cutting himself had been able to get rid of the self-loathing at not being enough, at being a let down. Not until he realised there was no fixing the past, that everyone had a part to play in the mistakes they made. He had hurt Robert, but Robert had chosen to sleep with Rebecca, and the vows Robert had made to another hadn’t stopped her from getting into bed with him. They all had their parts to play, and Aaron was allowed to pick the smallest portion of blame. He had done his time, he hadn’t deserved more punishment than the time he had already served.

Blinking away useless thoughts, he nods to Robert and says, “Um...you want a beer or…?”

“Yeah, beer sounds good,” Robert says a little too quickly.

Aaron’s mouth opens and fumbles before he nods. Things are still a little strange. Robert’s unlikely to drag him up the stairs as soon as they get through the door, is he? Aaron goes off to get two bottles, snorting quietly to himself that actually, Robert’s no messing around approach is one of the main things Aaron really actually appreciates. _A lot_. He returns to the living room with two beers in hand, feeling a nervous flutter in his chest which makes him blow out a breath. Aaron rounds the sofa where Robert has taken a seat. Aaron’s own nervous smile fades when he sees Robert sitting there with a look of quiet devastation. He’s doing it too, isn’t he? He’s seeing this place through a prism of his failures, seeing the mess of the past. Of course he is. Haven’t they always moved in strange tandem? Aaron swallows down the emotions that have taken up space like hard pebbles between the top of his lungs and the base of his throat.

Aaron puts the beers on the coffee table and sits down next to Robert, taking Robert’s hand into both of his, murmuring, “Rob.”

Robert doesn’t even look at him, he just turns bodily and puts his arms around Aaron, burying his face into the juncture between Aaron’s neck and shoulder. It makes Aaron’s throat constrict tightly, because it’s just like Robert to hide his emotions from Aaron. Aaron smooths his hand up Robert’s back, before wrapping both his arms tight around Robert’s middle. He hears a discreet sniff, a shudder of breath, but that’s all. When Robert pulls away, his eyes are tinged pink and too bright under the soft light. _I want you to want me_ , Aaron had pleaded once, forgetting for a moment that Robert had always been a walking, talking, example of want. When had he ever not wanted Aaron? Only the times Aaron had put him at arm’s length. Even then, there he was waiting. Why hadn’t Aaron seen it then? Why did he have to go and punch Kasim’s lights out and wreck his own life to realise what he had? Aaron looks at Robert, really looks at him. Thinks of all those times he’d wished Robert right here in front of him, even at his angriest, he’d wanted Robert.

“Robert,” Aaron murmurs, unsure if he has something comforting to say, or if he’s just saying Robert’s name for the sake of it.

Robert, broadcasting his intentions as loud as ever, locks eyes with Aaron, before his gaze dips to Aaron’s mouth. Then he’s leaning in and taking Aaron’s face in his hands, pulling him close and pressing their lips together. When they break apart, Aaron’s mouth opens gasping for another kiss. Robert’s mouth latches onto his bottom lip, before moving into a third and fourth kiss, each one bringing Aaron closer until Aaron and Robert are almost pressed chest to chest, Aaron with one leg bent under him, practically in Robert’s lap, his arms around Robert’s shoulders, tightening with every shift of their bodies.

Aaron pushes Robert away gently, his palms pressed against Robert's chest as he gets his breath back, trying to ignore the heat under his skin and the fact that his jeans are feeling progressively tighter. He moves back carefully before standing up, feeling stupidly giddy: the last thing he wants to do is smash into the coffee table like a muppet and have them getting back together in A&E. Once he’s upright, and his brain cells seem to be functioning a little better, he looks at Robert and holds out his hand. He’s not going to sit here drinking flipping beers when he can have Robert.

“You coming?” Aaron asks. When Robert frowns at the untouched beers, Aaron says, “Had enough to drink tonight.”

Robert smiles, getting up and putting his hand in Aaron’s. “Come on then.”

As they go towards the stairs, Robert doesn’t ask Aaron if he’s sure, but the question is there in his eyes, and Aaron answers it with a smile, squeezing Robert’s hand. Their steps echo loudly as they walk up the stairs, as if the whole place is intentionally keeping silent, just for them. Even the closing of the door, the click of the lock sounds unnatural and intrusive in all this quiet. Door locked, Aaron turns to see Robert standing by the bed just watching him, so Aaron takes of his jacket and tosses it aside before he takes off his boots. It prompts Robert to do the same instead of standing there wondering if everything is just going to collapse like a house of cards. Aaron dims the light. Even too bright light is likely to knock away a few of those cards. Aaron sits down on the bed, leaning against the headboard and Robert looks down at him with a smile, one that is tipped slightly up into amusement. Aaron tilts his head towards the spot next to him and Robert’s smile splits into a grin as he finally moves to sit next to Aaron, placing his hand on Aaron’s.

“Missed you,” Robert says quietly.

Aaron nods, that awful clenching feeling that comes with loving Robert Sugden back in his chest. “Did ya?”

“You know I did.”

They kiss, deep and indulgent as if time has decided to do them a favour and just stop for a while, eventually lying down next to each other, the space between them narrowing further and further through every new kiss. There is a moment where Aaron expects Robert to say they should slow down, a moment which will be followed by a confession and then weeks of unravelling. Aaron kisses his way through it, putting it firmly in the past where it belongs. So does Robert if the way he steals Aaron’s breath with the next kiss is anything to go by. When they’ve shed their clothes, finally naked and feeling skin on skin, all thoughts of the past and worries about the future evaporate into the air. 

Memories of what it’s always been like with Robert ignite inside Aaron, his heart gasping to imprint even more onto his skin. They press in close, their bodies moving together, chasing friction and release, mouths gasping in and out of kisses, hands curling into hair, pressing into flesh. Aaron can’t tell where he ends and where Robert begins, and finally it’s like having a missing piece of his heart slotted back into place. Aaron resurfaces from his haze of satisfaction some time later, his body pleasantly wrung out, a gentle buzz beneath his skin. He realises they’re lying there with their foreheads pressed together, legs and arms entertwined, the mess they’ve made threatening to join them together forever in a less than romantic fashion. He can’t help but smile.

He’s happy.

“I love you,” Robert murmurs, his hand idly stroking Aaron’s forearm.

Aaron repeats the words back, rubbing his nose alongside Robert’s, nestling in closer. Robert accommodates by making more space for him and they stay pressed together like that until the idea of waking up on top of the covers with dried come on their skin becomes a real turn off. Aaron uses the bathroom first, coming back and throwing on a t-shirt and boxers. He’s pulling back the covers when Robert comes back and slips into bed, opting to stay naked. He won’t push Aaron to get out of his clothes, he never does. He’ll just let his hands travel under them, until Aaron’s the one who no longer cares about his scars and needs his skin to touch Robert’s.

Aaron props himself up on an elbow to look at Robert who is lying there facing him with a laughably blissed out expression on his face. Robert offers a grin, the smug git, and Aaron can’t help but grin in return. “So...how’d they manage to get you into that club then?”

Robert’s expression shifts into something a little more sober. “I saw Alex moving his stuff in.”

Aaron nods, placing his hand on top of Robert’s upturned palm, watching their fingers slot together. “Imagine though, if you hadn’t seen him, maybe you wouldn’t have gone to the club. If Vic hadn’t told me about it, maybe I wouldn’t have come after you.”

Robert frowns, clearly not quite getting it. “What?”

Aaron grimaces, gritting his teeth before he makes the painful admission, “I just...the thought of you with another bloke. The thought of losing you all over again...it was too much.”

Robert squeezes his fingers. “Aaron...”

Aaron looks at Robert, hoping the truth in his eyes makes more sense than his words ever will be. “I want to be happy, Robert. Turns out I can only be that with you.”

“Well, you’re not alone in that,” Robert says with a small smile.

Robert’s arms envelope him, his lips laying kisses wherever his mouth lands, creating a trail from Aaron’s shoulder across his chest, pressing a final tender kiss right on Aaron’s sternum. Aaron can’t read the thoughts in Robert’s head, but he knows how the air changes when Robert’s mind is caught up in its own storms, and he feels it now. Aaron cups the back of Robert’s head, his thumb stroking over the curve of Robert’s skull, before the temptation to comb his fingers through the luxurious mop wins. Aaron thinks he can feel the light brush of eyelashes catch against the fabric of his t-shirt with slow and sleepy blinks, Robert fighting nothing more than the urge to sleep. He’ll still be here in the morning, and every morning after that. A warm feeling blooms in Aaron’s chest. 

It's a feeling that is as fresh as the first time Aaron woke up to find Robert still with him, the night having been spent, and the morning having arrived. Robert had been his and is alone, lying next to him, one arm slung over Aaron. Aaron had dared to hope that this was the real Robert, inching towards him rather than keeping him at arm’s length. The next time he had awoken with Robert lying next to him, it should have felt even better, but Gordon had just been locked up, and Aaron’s mind was a minefield of emotions. He had sat up in bed and watched Robert sleeping calmly, a miserable twist to Aaron’s own mouth. 

Robert had stayed the night, had stood by him, and been with him the whole way, and all Aaron could think of was, why couldn’t any of this have happened without Gordon coming back to wreck his life again? But he’d found Liv, hadn’t he? He’d found Liv, and everyone around him had found out the truth about Gordon. That counted for something. Counted for a lot. Robert woke up just as Aaron brushed away the tears threatening to fall again. He scowled in concern, before sitting up in a strangely still and quiet way, not touching or speaking, just waiting for Aaron. That was Gordon’s fault too, the weeks Robert had treated him like a broken thing stuck back together badly.

“Hey. You okay?” Robert had asked softly, in a tone of voice that he seemed to reserve just for Aaron. Aaron had smiled at him, holding onto the fact that Robert was in his bed, naked and in no rush to escape or hide. He’d answered with a kiss, and went willingly into a tight embrace, Robert whispering into his ear, “He’s gone, Aaron. He got what he deserved. It’s over.”

Had Gordon got what he deserved though? Some days it seemed to Aaron that Gordon had gotten off easy by going and dying. His punishment stopped with death. Aaron didn’t get to escape the past in such a complete way. There was no telling what sound, smell, or sudden touch was going to grab him by the back of the neck and push him face first into memories he wished he could cut out of his brain. It was never really over.

“What you thinking about?” Robert asks him quietly, pulling him back to a better present.

Aaron shrugs. “All sorts.”

“Good?”

“And bad. All goes hand in hand, dunnit?” Robert’s quiet, but his guilt may as well have megaphone to blast out what’s in his mind. Aaron’s annoyed at himself and says, “I’m not having a go at you.”

“I know,” Robert says, his hold around Aaron’s ribs a little more firm. “There’s a lot to think about.”

Aaron looks down at the crown of Robert’s head. This man saved his life twice, and he’s the same man who a few times made Aaron wish it was over. And Aaron loves him so much, so much he’s tried to cut it out of himself. So much that he’s tried to outrun it. Fight it with fists and bad decisions. Yet here he is again, letting Robert catch up and get right back under his skin. Here he is, feeling alive again. Should love be so terrifying? Is this even normal? Or is it just their messed up version of normal?

They drift off to sleep, no matter how much Aaron doesn’t want to. He feels like this night shouldn’t end too quickly. But once they both hear Liv’s safe arrival, and the shutting of her bedroom door, sleep just seems to come easily. Aaron wakes some hours later, when their bodies have naturally parted from each other. Aaron is lying curled on his side, facing Robert, and Robert is lying on his back, letting out the odd breathy gasp, the line of his body far from relaxed.

Aaron props himself up on an elbow, frowning at Robert before he tentatively reaches out and places his hand on a shoulder. “Robert? Robert.”

Robert wakes up abruptly and instantly, his body taut and still for a moment, before he relaxes with a quiet sigh. Aaron keeps his hand on Robert’s shoulder, watching him look soft and flushed under the low lighting that they both forgot to turn off.

“Robert?” Aaron whispers. Robert has a haunted look about him as he stares at Aaron before nodding and reaching for Aaron’s wrist, giving it a squeeze. “You know you can tell me anything, right?”

“There’s nothing to tell,” Robert absolutely lies, so easily with that special lying smile of his.

Aaron looks away from his face, to the rise and fall of his bare chest. Nodding, he says, “You know you don’t…you don’t have to be strong all the time. You _can_ be weak too. I can handle it.”

Robert has that look he gets when he’s let himself down. Even when Aaron is trying to be useful he’s messing things up, isn’t he? _Sorry,_ he wants to say, _you don’t have to talk if you don’t want to_. Only, Robert shifts and sits up, looking down at Aaron, scowl etched deep across his forehead.

“I had this nightmare. It was me just looking for you. It’s all I wanted, to find you. And when I did...it was too late,” Robert says. His face is a picture of guilt and regret, jaw clenching.

“Robert, it was just a nightmare,” Aaron tells him.

Robert shakes his head. “You don’t understand. It wasn’t just too late. It was my fault. You were dead because of me. And...I woke up knowing it wasn’t a nightmare at all. Because I’ve driven you close enough to it, haven’t I?”

 _This is gonna kill me_ , Aaron had told Robert. He remembers those few days, Rebecca, the baby, Jason in his face again, the craving for something that would just take it all away, Robert continually on his back foot and still desperately trying to control it all, control Aaron, all of it crawling under Aaron’s skin, no amount of blood-letting easing the pressure.

“No,” Aaron says thickly with an obstinate shake of the head.

Robert’s gaze dips to Aaron’s chest, his stomach, looking past the fabric. A familiar sense of shame wells up inside Aaron, and he has to look away from Robert.

“I don’t want to hurt you, Aaron,” Robert says quietly, prompting Aaron to meet Robert’s agonised gaze. "I can't-"

“You won’t,” Aaron says, swallowing hard at the sight of Robert.

But they’re idiots, set in their stupid ways. Aaron, for all his anger and all his frustration, always comes back to that place where he’d have Robert back in a second, no matter what. As for Robert, he’ll always come back. He’ll scheme, and he’ll lie, and he’ll do all the things he shouldn’t do, and then with a fast fading ounce of shame, he’ll always come back.

Aaron sighs, shrugging. “Or maybe...maybe you will. Maybe we’ll just keep messing up until we can’t anymore. But we’ll try not to. We’ll talk things over instead of, I dunno, doing things behind each other’s backs, or bottling things up. Just...let’s just be honest with each other. Do you think we can do that?”

Robert’s mouth eases into a small smile, before he nods and says. “Yeah. I think we can manage that.”

“Right,” Aaron says with a nod. “Well, that’s progress then, innit?”

There it is then, a spark in Robert’s eyes, just before he moves forward to cage Aaron in his embrace, pushing him back against the pillows and kissing the ever living daylights out of him. It’s that old Robert, the one who’s cocky, his selfishness only second to his desire to be a right show off. Aaron makes an indecent and greedy noise, his arms locking around Robert’s shoulders, thighs opening to let Robert fit in between them, bringing their bodies flush together. It’s not long at all before Aaron has lost his boxers and his t-shirt is lying on Robert’s pillow, all a result of Robert’s clever hands. This feels like how it was years ago, their bodies moving ahead of their brains, the eagerness, the urgency, and the feeling of being swept into a tornado. It had almost felt like fighting, both of them going for the win. Only, this time when it’s over, Aaron doesn’t pretend that what they have doesn’t matter, and Robert doesn’t leave him to be with someone else.

“Aaron,” Robert murmurs, smiling against Aaron’s mouth, both of them sunk inside their afterglow.

Aaron can’t even find the will to move his mouth to form words, so he just pulls at Robert, closes his eyes and tries to remember how to breathe. A few minutes later Robert gets up and uses Aaron’s t-shirt to clean up their mess, before tossing it on the floor. He gets back in bad, thumping down on his back, his arm idly thrown across Aaron’s stomach. Aaron places his hand over Robert’s upturned one, and they lie side by side, looking up at the shadows thrown across the ceiling.

Aaron can’t help but smile and say, “Can’t believe you went to a gay bar.”

“Can’t believe you followed me,” Robert says, going for disbelieving, and coming off just little pleased with himself.

“I thought I was having a nightmare,” Aaron says quietly, earning a frown. “I was looking for you, and you just disappeared. With some bloke called Mike.”

Robert laughs at that, bright and happy, and their hands clasp tight together. “Well, you’re awake now, and I’m here.”

“He was fit though, that Mike,” Aaron teases.

Robert shakes his head, looking unimpressed. “I hadn’t really noticed. Especially after I saw you turn up.”

“Hadn’t you?” Aaron asks.

“You know how I feel about ya,” Robert murmurs.

Aaron nods. He knows. But all the same he’s unable to help his mind from dipping down into the murky waters of memory and the Robert who had stood in front of him and hurt him intimately and perfectly. He had known the exact whereabouts of all of Aaron’s wounds, where to press down for best results: Aaron wasn’t special, there had been other lads, Robert had pitied him, and he’d thought the worst about those scars. He had done an excellent job of cutting Aaron without even touching him. Yet, this was the same Robert who had mouthed at Aaron’s scarred body in the back of a car that first time, gasping and moaning, the sound of his pleasure hitting Aaron like a truck.

Maybe he hadn’t seen the scars, that was what Aaron had told himself. But the next time, Robert’s eyes had flicked to them, just for a second, before they locked on Aaron’s face, a wicked smile spreading across Robert’s mouth, before he descended for a hungry kiss. It wasn’t always dark, but Robert was always Robert. Always hungering for Aaron, always touching, always bringing him closer. He always looked at Aaron as if no one else compared, and then with that big gob of his, he had taken away Aaron’s self-worth, what little there was of it, so easily.

Robert’s moving close, leaning in to press a kiss against the corner of Aaron’s mouth, before moving to rest his head on Aaron’s shoulder. They’re still holding hands, loose and toying with each other’s fingers. Aaron moves his face against the crown of Robert’s head, breathing in the long faded scent of shampoo. He gazes down at their hands intertwined together. He’s spent months trying not to reach for the ring missing on his finger. Months spent watching Robert refusing to take of his. Only, then it was gone and a corner of Aaron’s heart had felt weak, as if it had collapsed in on itself.

Aaron closes his eyes, turning to the softness of Robert’s hair. He thinks of how Robert has pried Aaron’s secrets from him, and breathed Aaron’s last breath for him. How they’ve fucked, and fought and flailed their way from lust to love. At the worst of times, Robert has been a cut that just won’t heal, and at the best of times, he’s been the balm. Through it all, Aaron has tried to hate him and walk away from him, but Robert is...he’s Robert. And Aaron can’t stop wanting him, or loving him. Even when he’s hated Robert he’s loved him. These thoughts carry him through towards the early morning, Robert sleeping at his side.

“How did we even end up with a song?” Aaron muses quietly, feeling the weight of oncoming sleep pressing against him whilst Robert jerks out of his own slumber.

He sounds sleepy and on the verge of knocking back out as he hums, “Hmm?”

Aaron scowls at him, smiling when he sees the sleep-soft expression on Robert’s face. “How did we end up with a song?”

“I thought we didn’t have a song,” Robert says with an amused smile.

Aaron wants to stubbornly reply that they don’t, but Robert had locked himself indoors and been playing that familiar tune, taking himself back to the wedding he had thrown Aaron, their happier time. He’d effectively made it their song now, hadn’t he?

“We can change it if you like,” Robert says, rolling towards Aaron to curl his hand around Aaron’s bicep.

“How about, _You Look Good on the Dance Floor_?” Aaron asks with a grin.

Robert laughs. “Shut up, you. I wasn’t even thinking of using _Mardy Bum_ , but I might have to change my mind now.”

“Shut up,” Aaron says with a soft laugh, no heat in his words at all, just what’s left of the breath Robert doesn’t take away.

It’s still scary, Aaron realises, being this much in love with someone. He’s wanted Robert so much in the past that its turned him inside out, made him see the worst of himself. Robert said Aaron makes him a better man, but it’s hard to accept responsibility for the changes he sees in Robert. How can Aaron be the reason Robert loves him the way he does? What if it goes away, that thing that draws Robert to Aaron? Because there is something, isn’t there? Something that keeps Robert coming back even when Aaron has pushed him. Something that made this idiot dive back into a lake to retrieve a ring from a sunken car, burn a 100K just to make a point, get himself beaten to a pulp just so Aaron would stop bottling things up. Robert Sugden has truly loved him more than anyone has ever loved him before. It’s a happy thought to finally fall sleep on, curled towards the radiating heat of Robert’s body, and those long limbs of his that gravitate towards Aaron even in his sleep.

When he wakes, Robert isn’t there. Aaron sits up quick, looking around the bedroom. The light’s been turned off, and the sky is bright behind the drawn curtains. His clothes are in a small pile on the far too expensive chair in the corner, another indulgence courtesy of Robert. By one of the feet of the chair is a set of keys that don’t belong to Aaron. There’s quiet noise coming up from the living room which makes Aaron get up double-quick. He throws on a t-shirt and trackies and grabs the keys, stopping by the bedroom door when he’s hit by a realisation. The key to The Mill is missing from this set.

 _I lost my home,_ Robert had said.

Aaron goes back to the bed, sitting down to open the top drawer of the bedside table. There amongst other debris, a watch, and a coin Aaron couldn’t bring himself to be rid of, is the key that used to belong to Robert. Aaron takes it out of the drawer, turning it over in his hand. He thinks about slipping the key onto the ring with all of Robert’s other keys, to let him find it for himself. It seems easier than handing it back and seeing the look in Robert’s eyes, whatever it might be. He doesn’t want to know. _I lost my home_. Those words weigh heavy on Aaron’s heart. In trying to save himself, he hadn't realised he might have broken Robert.

He worries his bottom lip with his teeth, slowly making his way out of the bedroom, looking at the key in his hand as he stops at the top of the stairs. They’ve made all the confessions they were going to make. Today is new, isn’t it? Maybe he can hand this key to Robert and maybe he can give Robert the space he needs to be weak, to be strong, to be who he is. Maybe they can finally work out who they are together. _This_ , Aaron thinks as he pockets the key and descends the stairs, is where they can begin again.

**Author's Note:**

> This ship has eaten my brain. Send help.


End file.
